Sine my old personal journal/blog might slowly be meeting its demise I thought it was smart to start a new one I could keep track of my life with.
Its crazy to think its been a whole year since ive graduated. This time of year certainly marks many milestones, my graduation, my sisters wedding, me entering the working world and me meeting Sid. Each one of these events has changed my life more than I ever thought possible within the span of a few months. I still remember how I felt as I was about to graduate. Not really so scared, somewhat excited and more just curious. Curious as to how my life would turn out. Its almost as if I wasnt me but someone watching me and keeping track of me just to see where and how I would end up. So now i can sort of see where I ended up a year later and at this point Im itching to sit down think, contemplate and figure out exactly where I am and how far I have come. The first question this leads to of course is have I come far at all? In many ways life is so very different now than it ever was before, and I can honestly say that while I enjoyed my life before I am just as happy now. Maybe Im a little bit more calm in my happiness though. Senior year was all about being reckless and I enjoyed every minute of it. But the time and the energy for that recklessness seems to have passed by and I am here, more calm and collected.
One thing I can say is that it doesnt exactly feel like a roller-coaster ride anymore. Life always has its ups and downs in unexpected ways but its almost as if the range of emotion I used to be able to feel isnt with me anymore. Everything just seems so muted and held back and Im not quite sure why. Ive been thinking about this a lot lately and wondering to myself am I really happy or am I just going through the motions. And honestly I think I am happy. There is nothing stopping me from being happy except for me stopping and thinking whether Im happy or not. Its almost as if my doubt is the very answer to my question. I know Im not waiting for anything anymore. This is new for me because I was always waiting for the next big step in my life and I think ive gotten better and going through day by day now.
But the startling this about this is this. You think life goes by fast when youre living in the future and just waiting for the next big thing whether thats the next party, the next weekend, the next big event in your life.But the truth is that life goes by fast no matter what. This past year was a blur and the more time that goes by the more scared I get.
I don't want life to just pass me by. When I graudated this wasnt even an option. I never thought that could be the case because thats just not who I am. But no one ever tells you this part about being in the real world. People tell you work is hard and that you cant make any excuses and that you need to get used to respoinsibility of adulthood. But no one really ever tells you about your responsibility to make your own life one that youll be happy to have lived. And what no one really ever talks about is how hard it is figuring what exactly that is. Truthfully no one else can tell you what makes you happy. Only you have the key to that information. But what if figuring that bit out takes too much time because youre too busy living your day to day life to ever stop and think about these things?
I really dont know whether ive changed. I think my priorities are a little different but I also think that underneath it all im still me that ive always been. Ive always kind of known what ive wanted and ive been able to go about getting that. Its just a little insane to think that time passes so quickly when you think you have so much of it at your disposal.
Not to mention things are so much harder to figure out because unlike college in the real world you really really have to know what you want. No one will tell you, oh yea lets drink and party because thats what people our age do and that will be fun. All around you people will be going out all the time while others will be getting married and while others still will be living at home and spending time with their parents. And all of them will be happy with the choices theyve made and will never tell you that they chose the wrong thing and that they shouldve done one of those other things. So in all this which direction will you be pulled? What will you decide for yourself and will you be happy with your choice?
Its crazy to think its been a whole year since ive graduated. This time of year certainly marks many milestones, my graduation, my sisters wedding, me entering the working world and me meeting Sid. Each one of these events has changed my life more than I ever thought possible within the span of a few months. I still remember how I felt as I was about to graduate. Not really so scared, somewhat excited and more just curious. Curious as to how my life would turn out. Its almost as if I wasnt me but someone watching me and keeping track of me just to see where and how I would end up. So now i can sort of see where I ended up a year later and at this point Im itching to sit down think, contemplate and figure out exactly where I am and how far I have come. The first question this leads to of course is have I come far at all? In many ways life is so very different now than it ever was before, and I can honestly say that while I enjoyed my life before I am just as happy now. Maybe Im a little bit more calm in my happiness though. Senior year was all about being reckless and I enjoyed every minute of it. But the time and the energy for that recklessness seems to have passed by and I am here, more calm and collected.
One thing I can say is that it doesnt exactly feel like a roller-coaster ride anymore. Life always has its ups and downs in unexpected ways but its almost as if the range of emotion I used to be able to feel isnt with me anymore. Everything just seems so muted and held back and Im not quite sure why. Ive been thinking about this a lot lately and wondering to myself am I really happy or am I just going through the motions. And honestly I think I am happy. There is nothing stopping me from being happy except for me stopping and thinking whether Im happy or not. Its almost as if my doubt is the very answer to my question. I know Im not waiting for anything anymore. This is new for me because I was always waiting for the next big step in my life and I think ive gotten better and going through day by day now.
But the startling this about this is this. You think life goes by fast when youre living in the future and just waiting for the next big thing whether thats the next party, the next weekend, the next big event in your life.But the truth is that life goes by fast no matter what. This past year was a blur and the more time that goes by the more scared I get.
I don't want life to just pass me by. When I graudated this wasnt even an option. I never thought that could be the case because thats just not who I am. But no one ever tells you this part about being in the real world. People tell you work is hard and that you cant make any excuses and that you need to get used to respoinsibility of adulthood. But no one really ever tells you about your responsibility to make your own life one that youll be happy to have lived. And what no one really ever talks about is how hard it is figuring what exactly that is. Truthfully no one else can tell you what makes you happy. Only you have the key to that information. But what if figuring that bit out takes too much time because youre too busy living your day to day life to ever stop and think about these things?
I really dont know whether ive changed. I think my priorities are a little different but I also think that underneath it all im still me that ive always been. Ive always kind of known what ive wanted and ive been able to go about getting that. Its just a little insane to think that time passes so quickly when you think you have so much of it at your disposal.
Not to mention things are so much harder to figure out because unlike college in the real world you really really have to know what you want. No one will tell you, oh yea lets drink and party because thats what people our age do and that will be fun. All around you people will be going out all the time while others will be getting married and while others still will be living at home and spending time with their parents. And all of them will be happy with the choices theyve made and will never tell you that they chose the wrong thing and that they shouldve done one of those other things. So in all this which direction will you be pulled? What will you decide for yourself and will you be happy with your choice?
